i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize