just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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