so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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