THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
