Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
