Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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