Sry I called you an 8
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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