after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
