At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
