..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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