you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
