It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
