duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
