i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
