MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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