I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
