Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
