just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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