I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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