I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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