dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
