Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
