Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
