Sponge bath it is.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize