I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
