So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
