If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
