don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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