that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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