college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
