Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need to calm my uterus...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
