You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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