On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
