so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
