would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
