I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
