I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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