I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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