your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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