So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
