peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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