if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
