Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize