You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
