one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The ass gains better be worth it
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