you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
