I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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