I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
even my farts smell like vagina
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a beard to bite.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
