Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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