my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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