i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
