that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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