some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There r osticjed everywhere
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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