New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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