idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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