Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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