don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
worst night to have a conscience
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize