I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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