So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
