I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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