Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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