their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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