every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
