Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
