Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize